The Chris Cardé Experience

Seasoned, multilingual world travelers probably take great pleasure in immersing themselves in the local tongue. If you're language-retarded like me (need proof? I took Intro To remedial German AFTER living in Germany for 7 months and still needed help), however, your alternative is to take simple pleasure in the funny English phrases observed all around you. Yes, that's right. I don't speak German and I laugh at others' efforts to speak my language. I'd also laugh at toddlers who fall while learning to walk, but am only on Step 7 of my 12-Step Being-a-Meanie program.

So anyway, while taking the ICE home from Freiburg last night I noticed a funny one... Public transit in Germany is wonderfully proactive about giving you all the information you need when you need it. So, for example, when any train, subway, streetcar, etc is pulling into a station they will generally announce on what side the doors will open. Side-note: this compensates for -- or reinforces depending on how you look at it -- the German tendency to get up and stage at the exits of your transit vehicle at least 5 minutes early. Fitting with the perfectly space-aged decor, the ICE has a pretty little LED sign at the end of each coach cabin that informs passengers with relevant and timely information, such as the next stop, ETA, current [relativistic] speed, and of course -- as you approach a station -- what side to get off. And that's the best part. The standard phrasing is: Please Alight in the Direction of Travel: Right. (or Left. You know.)

Along similar lines, I came across a tremendously funny entry in one of my favorite expat-in-Germany blogs (authored by the wonderfully witty Molly B.) while living here last year. The original entry is here, but I'll reprint the funniest part below.

Yeah, I think I've had that exact conversation at work more than once. Unfortunately, this is where the language barrier (and coarse translations) end up causing interpersonal frustration and (sometimes) anger -- something that we would expect to be expressed delicately ends up coming out with all the finesse of a sledgehammer. I much prefer the funny signs and translations you come across while roaming Europe on the weekend. At work it can hit a little too close to home.

I have to say, however: I'm very happy to be back in Stuttgart. I forgot how much I enjoyed the flavor of life here. It looks like I may be moving back here sooner than later - stay tuned!

"It's not a recession, it's a correction!
Correction: it's a recession."

Keith Olbermann deserves a whole heap of credit. His commentary on MSNBC calling out the Clinton campaign's pattern of negativity, double-standards, reality distortion, and pandering to the politics (and constituents) of the minute was nothing short of awe-inspiring. He managed to encapsulate so much of the disgust, revulsion, and angst that I (and I suspect many fellow progressive Democrats) have experienced in watching the Clinton camp's response to this latest uproar. Watch the video through the end, and you'll see Mr. Olbermann put together a fairly damming argument drawing from a range of observations on the Clinton campaign's strategy showing that the Clinton camp is engaging in a shameless campaign of racial division and double-talk.

If you're viewing this on Facebook, come on over to my blog at carde.com to see the embedded video.

What's absolutely stunning (and telling) is that Keith Olbermann takes great pains to identify himself as siding with neither Clinton or Obama in the primary process. If this is how undecided voters see these actions, it'd be supremely interesting to be a fly on the wall of her campaign war room to understand how they think this will help the candidate and the party win this November.

Nonetheless, I'd like to give Keith Olbermann the highly coveted (ha ha) Chris Cardé Prize for Non-Awfulness In Cable News. Congrats, Keith. This would be the first time I've seen a news show (excepting The Daily Show, of course) call out a politician or campaign on their bullshit. There might be hope for cable news yet.

My readers will not be surprised to learn who I support (and who I don't) in this election, but just in case you feel like laughing, sighing, or even crying a bit... watch this:

(and alls y'alls reading this on Facebook, my apologies if the YouTube stuff doesn't work -- read this on carde.com to see the video)

Now that you're feeling a little glum... Check out the matching Obama video:

(Seen on Flickr, with a very cute puppy picture in tow...)

A puppy is but a dog, plus high spirits, minus common sense. -Agnes Repplier

And in honor of that quote, here are some of my favorite dog photos from the last few months...

So I find myself at a grocery store acquiring foodstuffs for the first time since the great spinach scare of 2006 and what do I notice? EVERYTHING that could even be possibly construed to contain minute quantities of vegetable matter has "Contains No Spinach" stickers plastered all over it. Some are reasonable in a quaint, we-just-whipped-this-up-in-our-laser-printer-with-Microsoft-Word-and-some-OfficeMax-labels kind of way. More amazing, however, is the proportion of products sporting slick, marketing-department-approved photoshop-heavy labels professionally printed on holographic card stock (ok, I kid on these last two). I mean, who had time to go design these things, print them up, insert them into the production line, and STILL get these packages of salad mix from the earth to my shopping cart in less than a week? This is the essential justification for me never trying to compete in the foodservice or retail markets -- I just wouldn't have imagined it was worth the effort!

In other news, it turns out that I haven't blogged in forever. As usual, that's because there's too much to say and too much happening -- leaving me dazed and unable to decide what to cover with the 5 blogging minutes available. That I'm writing now might telegraph a long-awaited slowdown in the pace of life -- though knowing me once I realize it's happening I'll schedule another 5 business trips. Then again, you could just blame it on the unresistable simplicity of the topic... I mean, who WOULDN'T jump at the chance to rant about "CONTAINS NO SPINACH" labels? Seriously!

More updates and retrospective on the past few months in the next post!

...or at least, that's what it seems like must have happened when looking back every Monday morning. That's why I'm monitoring the situation closely right now, trying to detect the subtle weekend-stealing subterfuge that has clearly been perpetrated up to this point.

On a more realistic note, it does seem like the weekend has indeed been scheduled down to the milli-freakin'-second. To satiate your inner stalker, here's the plan:

... is that you tend not to see them at the bottom of your suitcase when unpacking. Then, for the next three months, you keep wondering how you managed to lose a shirt again. The upshot of this whole things is that, when prepping for your next trip, a pleasant surprise awaits.

In other news, how would you italicize a period? I just wondered what the difference in effect would be if I put the </i> tag in the above paragraph before or after the period. Perhaps it doesn't matter. Perhaps I should have slept more last night.